I am capable. (Philippians 4:13)
I am supported. (Hebrews 13:6)
I do not struggle in vain. (Hebrews 10:32-36)
I am in the process. (Philippians 1:6)
I rely on God’s strength. (Psalm 73:26)
I am a conqueror. (Romans 8:37)
I am not alone. (Isaiah 43:2)
I am free to be bold. (Ephesians 3:12)
I am enough. (Ephesians 2:10)
Not until I was approaching my 30th birthday did I realize I had been holding on to a lie for nearly 2 decades. For 20 years I had downplayed my worth and felt that I was simply not worth celebrating. Such a sneaky little lie had infected my entire belief about myself and my worth, resulting in me constantly striving to be different, and insecure about who I was.
It began at my 10th birthday party. I can still picture the pink and white streamers that decorated the pool. I don’t remember who all was invited, but I clearly remember that only one person came. The fake smile was plastered on my face in order to convince my mom and my friend that I didn’t care. Honestly, I was feeling like a fool. The voice in my head said I was silly to think that people actually wanted to be around me.
There was never another party after that. No birthday party. No graduation party. Perhaps my mom was heartbroken too. It was never a conscious decision, but looking back I can see how I was trying to protect myself. I never told anyone when my birthday was, and I never acknowledge the birthday of those around me. In my mind, this was solving the problem of being forgotten. How could I get upset if I wasn’t recognized since I never recognized them?
But the problem was not my birthday. The problem was I had gradually, over the years, fully bought into the lie that people didn’t like me for me. I put on the front of confident, but I was ugly confident. Not the confidence that radiates beauty.
I tried to hide all my weaknesses, thinking if I had it all together, I would be worthy. Judgment from others plagued my thoughts.
I was afraid to reach out to others, because I may end up dealing with rejection. And I did. But I was arrogant and bitter, and I would have rejected me as well.
I felt my personality was too bold, and that I had to contain it so as to not annoy people. Whether it was my loud laugh, or getting easily excited, it always seemed to be too much for some people.
It has taken nearly another decade for this lie to be fully uprooted. Now, as I approach my 40th birthday, I feel more alive than ever.
Now, I rejoice in my weaknesses because it means I can fully embrace my strengths and the strengths of those around me. I am a part of the body of Christ, and my weakness is another’s strength.
Now, I reach out to others, knowing that I may indeed be rejected, but that it’s alright because my worth is not based on the approval or acceptance of others.
Now, I know that God created me this way, with this personality, to be a part of His plan. I am His work, created for good works.
Perhaps you find yourself in a similar state of striving, never completely comfortable with who you are, or sure of who you are supposed to be. Maybe it didn’t stem from rejection at your birthday party, but there was some event that resulted in you believing a lie. Maybe that lie has been whispered so quietly over the years that you couldn’t even hear it.
Here is your moment, sweet lady. Here is the moment for you to overcome the lie. Once we can pinpoint the lie, and expose it, it begins to lose its power. At this point, you can replace it with truth. At this point, you can begin your process from ugly confident to living as a confident beauty, full of love and grace.
The first step in this process is to admit our insecurities. Stop lying to ourselves, to God, and to others. It’s acknowledging the reality of our situation.
Next, use the spiritual gift of self-control to stop the destructive thoughts in our mind. When those beliefs rise to the forefront of our minds, we need to speak truth over.
Then, acknowledge that a particular insecurity may actually be for our benefit. It may be the very thing that is keeping you dependent on the Lord.
Finally, do not allow guilt to keep you from investing in yourself. Conviction comes from the Lord, but guilt and shame do not. Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment to know which is which.
Dear Lord, I pray for each lady who is reading this. Lord, I know it is in your will for them to live confidently, showing others the love and freedom you give. I rebuke the spirit of fear, and guilt, and shame that is plaguing their lives. Provide encouragement for them Lord. Surround them with sisters in faith, who will walk with them as they are on this journey to become who you created them to be. And finally, I pray that they will all know the beauty they possess.
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Hanha is the writer behind Transparency Blog, and she is super passionate about encouraging women to find their identity and belonging in Christ! She graduated from the University of National Champions—Go Heels!—and she is currently pursuing plans to become a physician in the near future. A few fun facts? She’s addicted to Grey’s Anatomy, has a special place in her heart for tacos, and podcasts are her present obsession. In her spare time, she daydreams about places she can travel and loves connecting with friends on Instagram. Come say hi!